Let’s keep it simple. So many people don’t know why they aren’t liked. Yet, it only takes two minutes with them to realize why it’s so as an observer of how they talk, think and act. In fact it comes as a big shock when people think the opposite of them, yet their behaviour is self centered, me-focused and 100% for their own gain. Where is the space to relate to another? Taking the time to retreat and refocus yourself therapeutically, and regain a sense of a person you and others can not only like but love, might be worth its weight in gold.

Making friends is not a magical ability that only a few have. It is a learned skill. Most of us learned how to make friends when we were little but many of us need to learn the new skill of making friends as adults.

To do that, you need to find groups of people that meet up regularly and have interests that are similar to your own. You also need to learn how to find commonalities with these people beyond that first common interest in order to turn your new acquaintances into friends. If you feel like you are bonding with an individual, meet up with them once or twice in a social setting. If all goes well, you should meet up with them regularly in order to maintain and strengthen the bond.

These are all skills that you can learn how to do. It’s not that complicated when you know how.

To help you know how, here is a list of 30 things to remember when it comes to relating to others from Dale Carnegie. How to win friends and influence people.

  1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain
  1. Give Honest, Sincere, Appreciation
  1. Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
  1. Become Really Interested In Other People
  1. Smile
  1. Remember That A Person’s Name Is To That Person The Sweetest And Most Important Sound In Any Language
  1. Be A Good Listener. Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves
  1. Talk In Terms Of The Other Person’s Interests
  1. Make The Other Person Feel Important – And Do It Sincerely
  1. The Only Way To Get The Best Of An Argument Is To Avoid It
  1. Show Respect For The Other Person’s Opinion. Never Say, “You’re Wrong.”
  1. If You Are Wrong Admit It Quickly And Emphatically
  1. Begin In A Friendly Manner
  1. Get The Other Person Saying “Yes, Yes”
  1. Let The Other Person Do A Great Deal Of The Talking
  1. Let The Other Person Feel That The Idea Is His Or Hers
  1. Try Honestly To See Things From The Other Person’s Point Of View
  1. Be Sympathetic With The Other Person’s Ideas And Desires
  1. Appeal To The Nobler Motives
  1. Dramatize Your Ideas
  1. Throw Down A Challenge
  1. Begin With Praise And Honest Appreciation
  1. Call Attention To People’s Mistakes Indirectly
  1. Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing The Other Person
  1. Ask Questions Instead Of Giving Direct Orders
  1. Let The Other Person Save Face
  1. Praise The Slightest Improvement And Praise Every Improvement. Be “Hearty In Your Approbation And Lavish In Your Praise”.
  1. Give The Other Person A Fine Reputation To Live Up To
  1. Use Encouragement. Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct
  1. Make The Other Person Happy About Doing The Thing You Suggest

Interpersonal skills are based in self development and self actualization. Two of the primary things we teach at The Sanctuary. If you want to realize your purpose, push past old habits, or create something new and beautiful in your life come and retreat with us in Plettenberg Bay to grow and heal, enrich, restore and renew.


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