How to face your fears

How to face your fears right now

Boo! Fear is a funny thing. Scary movies your thing? What about being alone and in the dark at home? Do you ever worry someone is in the house, following you or listening from the shadows? Fear has so many faces that it is hard to even define it. Most people, myself included describe fear as an acronym False Evidence Appearing Real or F.E.A.R. We do this because fear can be so debilitating that people are literally scared stiff. They avoid small things, and then bigger things. Many people describe themselves as having come to avoid life itself. How to face your fears is something we are not taught enough of. They can drink or drug, stay angry and miserable so as not to meet anyone new. They can in other words cut themselves off from life, from other people and ultimately from life’s opportunities.

Fear has a big role in keeping us alive. A snake moves in the grass and we jump five feet in the air on instinct to avoid it. But what happens when fear starts to become pathological or abnormal in our behaviour. IF we want to learn

Why are people afraid of bugs, or things that go bump in the night? Why does the idea of giving a group presentation throw you into a realm of anxiety? Well, it’s something that essentially is something that we can’t understand, control, or thinks it will harm us.

We have two types of fears, and they are as follows:

  • Natural fears
  • Conditioned fears

The natural fears are the ones that we are born with. If you end up going toe-to-toe with a lion, that’s big and strong and could eat you; chances are that’s a natural fear. Then there are the conditioned fears, which are formed when something negative happens in the past, and then we become fearful of it happening once again. Why does this happen? Well, it’s an irrational response to something because our brain kind of deludes us into thinking that the similar circumstances will lead to the same outcome.

Many recovering addicts for example, tell me how they used to live on adrenaline until they learned the art of how to face your fears. They were hyper-vigilant. They had exaggerated startle responses. They were always waiting to defend the next attack. It ultimately wore them and people they came into contact with out. Their businesses and marriages failed because of this heightened state of awareness. They became depressed, anxious and addicted and always describe themselves as becoming someone else, that was just not me. So how does this happen? Well, it’s a process. Trauma can do a good job of creating these symptoms through attacks, car wrecks and other dangerous or near death experiences. The mind wires these events into the brain as top priority and over compensates for danger. But remember that learning How to face your fears is also a process and a journey of healing.

It has been said by Byron Katie, that defence is the first act of war. Defense mechanisms close us down. They shut others down to us. They make us seem like bad people in the end. They go against our core beliefs. Courage is a virtue, that runs throughout all other human virtues. When we loose courage, fear then can creep into everything.

One of the most common natural human reactions is fear. Have you ever spoken in front of a group of people, only to feel like you’re about to clam up? Or maybe you want to tell the person you like your feelings, but you feel the heart palpitations start to overwhelm you? Fear is something we all have experienced in our lives, and it makes up a major part of our lives. There is a psychology behind it though, and what causes fear. Below is a grid that attempts to make a personal assessment of fear within ourselves, that anyone can do on a daily basis. It can act as a measuring tool.


How to face your fears


Fear is a feeling or state of alarm, disquiet or dread caused by the expectation of danger, pain or disaster.  It is also one of the most chronic emotions known and happens to be endemic in our society.  In addition, fear is a key factor in the disease of chemical dependency for both the using person and the family members.  It is an active and dynamic force that affects each and every one of us.

Fear creates a state that does not exist.

Perfect love casts out fear, says the Bible as well as A Course In Miracles. They also both say that fear causes a state that does not exists. I totally agree. Our clients come in so fearful. The world is often shattered in their perceptions along with their relationships and marriages. Until, they change the way they look at things. It is almost bizarre. People come into treatment shaking and trembling. Almost always. In a couple of weeks they look like, sound like and often act like different people. They become themselves again, when the fear dissipates. it is nothing short of remarkable what a bit of care and love can do over a short period of time. Practicing the art of How to face your fears is seriously potent in real life contexts.

How to face your fears

“Sometimes when we’re afraid of something,” Christopher Bader, the Chapman sociology professor who led the fear survey, told the New York Times, “even if our fears are irrational, that can lead us to make choices that will actually cause the thing that we are avoiding.” Parks, for example, get more dangerous when people avoid them out of fear, because their emptiness encourages criminals to move in.

Common Fears:

  1. Fear of Abandonment
  2. Fear of Fear
  3. Fear of Rejection
  4. Fear of Failure/Success
  5. Fear of the Unknown

Five truths about fear:

  1. It will never go away completely as long as we are growing.
  2. To reduce the fear we need to confront it and do it anyway.
  3. ‘Doing it’ improves self-esteem.
  4. Everyone experiences fear whenever we are on unfamiliar ground.
  5. Pushing through the fear is less frightening than living with the underlying message that comes from a feeling of helplessness

Things we can do to be able to confront and reduce our fears:

  1. Eliminate destructive and negative words and phrases.
  2. Join a Twelve Step group.
  3. Balance your life.
  4. Expand your comfort zone – take risks.
  5. Learn relaxation techniques/exercises.
  6. Stay in today – focus on self.

Things we are aware of when working to overcome fears:

  1. When we change our behaviour, things get worse before they get better.
  2. Spontaneous recovery may occur
  3. Reward yourself

In Marianne Williamson’s book, “A Return to Love” she says: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. How to face your fears means that we realize we are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

How to face your fears is something we can all work on. Don’t stay depressed, or stuck. Come and heal with us. Get involved with us as a yearly member. Work hard on yourself, rather than your business or your aspirations. Call +27824424779 or email

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