I am an Adult Who Grew Up in a dysfunctional narcissistic Family
Once I thought I was unique, different and alone. Certainly, the disease of avoiding intimacy, developed from an narcissistic family system, kept me ignorant and isolated. The disease told me not to wash my family’s linen in public. I obeyed, and so suffered in silence. I survived the disease of my parents only to acquire it myself.
Knowing only that I was affected by alcoholism from parents , I began my recovery, sometimes in Al-Anon, sometimes in Alcoholics Anonymous. For other Grown up survivors of narcissistic parents it is Emotions Anonymous. Same thing. Different manifestation. For a long time, there was this nagging awareness that once I had dealt with the problem of the moment, I would have to deal with the narcissistic traits of my family of origin, and its effects on my character. In spite of the progress that I had made in my recovery and healing, I was still getting in trouble, still having difficulty with other people. Peace of mind seemed to last only until I created the next crisis. Some of the answers were sought in therapy. Sometimes I was told I was sick, sometimes that I was just wrong. Mostly I was told that the answers were to be found within myself. I insisted that I did not know the answers. I wasn’t even sure how to ask the questions. It never occurred to “them” that I might be truly ignorant rather than neurotic or crazy. Then I began to discover other Grown up survivors of narcissistic parents. Slowly at first, we shared our experiences, feelings and behaviours. I discovered in ourselves a common history, despite having been raised generations and miles apart. I was no longer alone!
As my trust began to build, the walls came down, if only for a short time. I learned again to feel he hurt and cry where before I could not. Some of my behaviours had turned into habits and were causing me difficulty in my job and in my family life. I came to understand that my past and my present formed a pattern. Once I had identified my feelings and my behaviours, I began to understand myself better. I resolved to change myself whenever I could, knowing that it would not be crazy to alter the habits of a lifetime. Here are some of the things I learned about myself and that I am now beginning to change:
- I guess at what normal is
- I have difficulty following projects through from beginning to end.
- I lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
- I judge myself without mercy
- I have difficulty having fun
- I take myself very seriously
- I have difficulty with intimate relationships
- I overreact to changes over which I have no control
- I feel different from other people
- I constantly seek affirmation and approval
- I am either super responsible or super irresponsible
- I am extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
- I look for immediate as opposed to deferred gratification
- Lock myself into a course of action without giving consideration to alternate behaviours/consequences
- I seek tension and crisis and then complain about the results
- I avoid conflict or aggravate it; rarely do I deal with it
- I fear rejection and abandonment, yet I am rejecting of others
- I fear failure, but sabotage my success
- I fear criticism and judgement, yet I criticize and judge others
- I manage my time poorly and do not set my priorities in a way that works well for me.
In order to change, I cannot use my history as an excuse for continuing my behaviours. I have no regrets for what might have been, for my experiences have shaped my talents as well as my defects of character. It is my responsibility to discover these talents, to build my self esteem and to repair any damage done. I will allow myself to feel my feelings, to accept them, and learn to express them appropriately. When I have begun these tasks, I will try to let go of my past and get on with the business of managing my life. I have survived against impossible odds until today. With the help of God and my friends, I shall survive the next 24 hours. I am no longer alone!
Learn about the Peter Pan Syndrome and how some people try to keep the care free freedoms the their youthful years brought them, alive forever. even if their worlds rumble around them. Petra Pam in the feminine of the Pan syndromes. It describes an attitude where we try and avoid the pains and struggles of life and live in a virtual “Neverland”. For more information about Grown up survivors of narcissistic parents call 0824424779 or email firstname.lastname@example.org