When people with Borderline Personality Disorder begin to feel the pain that develops over the course of the progression of their personality disorder and the traits that surround it, they will look for something outside of themselves to explain the problems they or others are experiencing. This inclination to blame others represents the core of every typical borderline personality disorder sufferer. We call this The Borderline Blame Game’s core ingredient – DENIAL. We will look at the 10 Traits of the Borderline Blame Game and how to identify them easily so that we can avoid the tyrannical trap they lay in our path.
When we are looking to blame someone for the quality of our own lives, a target irrational or not, must be identified!
There must be someone, something, or some events to blame for why we behave the way we do. This is true whether our relapse is back into an active negative acting out, or old emotional behaviours, or even if the relapse is back into the unhealthy pattern of our character defects. Relapse to old behaviours of any kind begins with feelings of discomfort that we look to avoid since the tendency to blame other people, places and things for the quality of our own life is a hallmark feature of our denial, the individual heading for resorting back to old behaviours will always find a target to blame. If not a family target, someone else, anyone else.
While the list of possible targets to blame is endless, our romantic partners unfortunately often rake the brunt of our blame and justification. They are our closest ‘victims’ of accountability and the easiest targets for us to pick on. The consequences of blaming others for our own discomfort however, can be enormous. When we set out to blame people, situations, and events for the quality of our own lives, we are merely trying to deaden the painful reality of the costs of our own behavioural choices, past and present. In an effort to lessen the pain of our reality anything and anyone is fair game.
Selecting our partners to blame for how we are feeling or why we intend to misbehaved in the past is really quite easy. We will always find a target somewhere if we are looking for one. Life is full of people who appear to offend us when they have failed to behave the way we have wanted them to. These offences and the people we associate with them can be stored in our resentment memory banks for quite a long time and are quickly retrieved when we are looking outside of ourselves for an explanation for why we are disturbed by our borderline styled symptoms.
Circumstances and events that do not turn out the way we had hoped for or failed to materialise altogether will provide many targets when we are looking for justification for unhappiness in our lives. Unfulfilling careers, dissolved marriages, broken family ties, relapse, trashed dreams, failed career choices, broken relationships, and many other disappointments can all be blamed on other people, circumstances and events when we are looking for a justification for doing something that we know in our hearts is wrong! Blaming can come in two types, the never-ending blaming of others which assumes no responsibility and the never-ending blaming of ourselves. Blaming others: Blaming others involves making someone else responsible for the choices and decisions that are actually our own responsibility.
Intimacy is about honesty, openness and vulnerability. A key ingredient to a lasting romance is found in a decision to allow yourself to turn your critical view of the world inward instead of focussing externally all the time and ‘risk’ taking full responsibility for your own life and your own decisions so that you are bringing your true self to your partner in open and vulnerable honesty. Borderlines who continuously blame others, whine and complain can at times become nothing more than bullies, bullies who are incapable of taking any responsibility for their own choices and whose lives will remain uncomfortably static and cyclical. Don’t Play The Borderline Blame Game !
The person placing the blame on others commonly takes up the victim position. Victims are violent people! Here is an example.
“The teacher sucked that’s why I failed the test”, “My mother didn’t drive me to work so I got fired for missing days”, “The police man was so annoying, I was going to get that light fixed eventually”, “My partner doesn’t love me enough so I feel bad about myself”.
At the centre of this distortion we might find that the person never learned to take responsibility coming into adulthood. This is not their fault and may relate to never being taken care of as a child.
The person might also have had too much care taken of them as a child and expects their every need to be anticipated. There is normally a high-level of emotional reasoning (if I feel bad, something must have happened) and reverse mind reading (they should be able to read my mind) involved here.
10 Traits of The Borderline Blame Game
1. Behavioural: antisocial behaviour, compulsive behaviour, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk-taking behaviours, self-destructive behaviour, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint will be clearly evident.
2. Finger-pointing: People may point fingers at others. For instance, they may say “Jill was supposed to send me the data for the graphs. I couldn’t make the graphs without that information.”
3. Denial: People may deny their responsibility. For instance, they may say “No one told me we needed to include graphs in the presentation, how was I supposed to know?”
4. Exclusion: People may consistently exclude or marginalize a member of the group, and then make them the scapegoat when things go wrong.
5. Mood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadness
6. Psychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism
7. Thoughts of suicide and self harm. Self harm is anything that goes against the notion of self love, self care and mature and mindful care of the body, mind and emotions.
8. They are the victim of some sort of crisis and someone else on the outside is their persecutor
9. They see people and situations and things as either all bad or all good. There is very little in between. When this comes to The Borderline Blame Game we call it splitting or black and white thinking. They leave very little wiggle room for anyone else to make a mistake and don’t have the cognitive capacity to look at the self without falling into victim mode and then reverting to the blame cycle.
10. The last of the 10 Traits of the Borderline Blame Game is Transference. It is where we take things that happened or didn’t happen in a previous relationship and bring them forward into our current relationships. Borderline is very much all about relationships at the end of the day. That is if you look close enough at BPD and how it unfolds.
How we repair the 10 Traits of the Borderline Blame Game
10 step program to getting your life back
The Paradigm Process offers you a 10 step program to heal your life and recover from a personality disorder like Borderline Personality Disorder, addictions, avoidance and mood issues. Backed by scientific evidence we have accumulated from real case studies since 2012, we have developed a way through whatever holds you back. How we found it was profoundly interesting and was the breakthrough we needed for seekers – people looking to actualise their full potential. We jumped into psychology, dipped into philosophy and then studied all the religions around the world.
When wanting to treat the 10 Traits of the Borderline Blame Game for example , we began to understand how the brain controls the body and how emotions, memory, imagination and potential are all linked. We then started applying and testing all the principles of healing and life transformation that we discovered and then started applying what worked and began removing what didn’t seem to help cause effective change. The Paradigm Process helped us at our inpatient borderline treatment centre double the speed of healing in the people we were helping. People from all over the world, suffering all sorts of different emotional and psychological and sometimes physical problems took part. What we found through the work and research was incredible.
We discovered that people first developed the 10 Traits of the Borderline Blame Game and then it got even worse. They became stuck in the first half of life. They experienced one type of fight, flight and freeze or another that was entrenched from years of thinking, feeling and behaving in certain ways. Ways that once worked for them in childhood, but no longer worked for them as adults. We discovered that people really did need a paradigm shift to move across the bridge into the second half of life where peace, joy and abundance resided. People become stuck in the prison of the personality without even knowing that is has happened.
Depression, stress and tension soon follow because being stuck in any kind of prison is hell. Just ask someone who has dealt with depression for a bunch of years. When the personality is no longer serving you but hindering you then you need a new program. When a computer program becomes redundant we need to get rid of it and replace it with a new one. It is the same with the programs we run in our bodies hearts and minds. Because the world is changing so quickly we need to keep up. There is no room left to operate from money mind without inevitably falling from the tree. If we fall behind we fall into survival or victim modes that naturally keep us suppressed and distressed. At some point we know we need to run a new program however it is easier said than done in understanding where to find that program and how to install it. The 10 step program to heal your life is that program – the Paradigm Process.
For more information on doing our program, visiting the Center for Healing in South Africa to change your life around or for more information on how to heal the 10 Traits of the Borderline Blame Game call+27824424779 or email sanctuaryplett@gmail.com
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